Title: Girl Meets Underworld
Author: Jess Watkins
Rating: 1 of 5 Stars
Blurb: Having lost her mother and brother, Stella stands on the roof of her building, about to jump. She is stopped by a handsome young man, who jumps first. Somehow, he survives and Stella soon discovers that Conner holds a dark secret and more than a passing connection to her own unhappiness.
But Conner isn’t the only man to take an interest in Stella. Will is dangerous. He has mood swings, a crazy older brother and the ability to heal abnormally quickly. Stella knows what Conner is, but what exactly is Will – and why does he appear to know more about Conner than she does?
My Review: I have the feeling that I’m going to struggle a bit with this review. After all, I have a lot to say. I hope you guys will bare with me and give me the opportunity to extensively review Girl Meets Underworld. There will be spoilers and very strong opinions.
Girl Meets Underworld is a book that the blurb does not at all prepare you for. But allow me to paint an accurate picture- if you can picture a world where Twilight meets the Vampire Diaries you would be golden. Bella- oops, I mean Stella is a girl ignorant to the supernatural world. She stands on her buildings roof in the hopes of committing suicide after severe bouts of depression due to having lost her family. Some dude magically appears and talks her down, Conner. Yes, he is a vampire. But let me not leave out any spoilers– there’s also Will, the unstable werewolf that completes this love triangle.
There is a very long list of things I do not like about this book. Even from the beginning. I did, however, keep to it. I didn’t read any reviews but this book has an overall 4 Star rating. That’s pretty good in my book. So I kept at it, hoping it would get better. And it kinda paid off because at times it did in fact get better. Well that enjoyment never lasted long and I ended the book with a red forehead from all of these face-palms and an undeniable frustration over cliches and stupid characters.
Hmm… Which to take on first? Cliches or stupid characters? It’s a tough one to decide on…. I don’t want to run out of steam or anger on one topic… Hmm.. Well, I guess we’ll start off with cliches. Try and leave the best for last…
The world of cliches was revealed very slowly to me. From one overused concept to another. For a fan of the supernatural, I’ve read plenty of books dealing with vampires and was sorely disappointed with the lack of originality. Well, here is my list of overall vampire cliches:
1. Vampires have to be invited in
2. Sleep during the day
3. Can be killed with a wooden stake to the heart
4. Turn to ashes when they die
Now, all you fans of the supernatural, tell me if any of these sound familiar. And please, don’t be shy to calling them out as you spot em.
1. Vampires finding the smell of werewolves repulsive.
2. In order to become a vampire, you need to die with their blood in your system.
3. Humans fearing vampires. Oh, wait a minute. That actually sounds legit. I mean, why shouldn’t prey fear their predators? Oh, but wait, that sounds good until its followed up by this: “You’re right, it’s not normal for someone like me to do these things, but I don’t like being what I am. You make me feel human. Being with you makes me feel more like myself. I enjoy spending time with you. That’s all.”
Ok, enough on cliches. As previously mentioned, Stella is in a love triangle between a vampire and a werewolf. This alone screamed Twilight to me but as I kept reading the lack of originality in this triangle seemed to stop here and then simply becomes a confused tangle of words and plot progression. Let me explain. Conner, was very Edward like- all gallant and attractive and thoughtful. Definitely worth the swooning- after a point. Enter Will the werewolf and I assume readers all united to scratch their heads. I was left confused and wondering how in the world this even happened. I quite literally flipped pages back and forth to make sure I didn’t miss something or accidentally skip pages.
Will, is introduced as a clueless and insensitive teen. You know what they say about first impressions? Well, this saying was lost on Stella who gave him a chance to make up for his screw up. This chance turns into a date that ends badly. Not to bore you all to death I’ll get to it. Stella takes the majority of the book to figure out what he was but in this time Will is abusive and injures her. Is a bit of a stalker and doesn’t know when to back off. Goes into full molester mode and doesn’t understand the meaning of no. Boy was I fuming when Stella kept giving him chance after chance and creating one excuse after another for him. With that being said, I think you can appreciate my confusion when out of nowhere she claims to *wait for it* love him. I mean this a dude that repeatedly molested her, physically hurt her and doesn’t stay away even when she asks him to. Mind you, this a first person narrative. One you would think would allow insight into such a declaration. Nope. None was offered and I’m still confused about it.
*Cue Twilight Theme Music* Now before what we assume is going to be an epic battle between the two races, Stella has to make her choice, Will or Conner. She, much like one whose name rhymes with Stella, struggles with the decision, until of course, she realizes there was never any question. It easily went to the one she loved the most, the one who she knew deep down in her gut was the one for her. Yes, the vampire.
Stella frustrated me to no end. Overall, I had trouble connecting with her. I didn’t understand her reasoning and whenever she started to win me over- with her action and words, there would then be something that shot that all to hell. If were to be extremely honest and calling things by their names, I would tell you that the reason I found her so frustrating was because I found her to be stupid and her reactions and emotions unrealistic.
I could continue this review by expressing my unhappiness with the various inconsistencies I found throughout the novel. This rant would include how her father changed from caring and loving to aggressive, cruel and abusive in the blink of an eye. Or I can go on about how vampires supposedly heal instantly unless of course you are Conner. What the hell? I really have no clue what the distinction is that made this situation different but it took Conner days to heal and I didn’t get it. But then again I’m not going to go into those things. I’m going to end my review with these final words.
Frustrated as crap, I read the book. Now, as I was writing this review I read all of my notes and can’t help but laugh. Laughing, I suddenly realize that I should be mourning the hours of my life wasted on this book. While I feel that suggesting this book not be read is pretty cruel, I would warn that you proceed at you own risk.
*I received a free copy of this novel from the author in exchange for an honest review